Feathers From Heaven
by CrumpetCapers
Summary: Spending part of the holidays together for a performance is a blessing according to the guys, but Logan seems to be off his game. He soon meets a stranger with a very important message for him. Too long to be a one-shot, so three chapters. *Complete*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This will only be three chapters long. I originally wrote it as a one-shot for my Ho Ho Ho-mance Series, but it became too lengthy. I also changed my mind about using it for one of the requests, because it is darker-themed and no one requested that specifically.**

**Disclaimer: I do Not Own Big Time Rush.**

**~Feathers From Heaven~**

The New York sky was a dark dreary gray and heavy with snow clouds. The closer the black SUV crept toward the city center, the more the sidewalks bustled with activity. It was a sea of traffic, holiday shoppers, and tourists.

The excitement was already building deep in the pit of their stomach, building then waning whenever they became distracted. As they neared the amphitheater where they would perform that afternoon, the curiosities along the walkways were as much a part of the scenery as the brightly lit windows of the storefronts.

"Look!" James exclaimed, pointing to a large snowman walking down the sidewalk.

Kendall laughed. "Is that the dude from YouTube?"

"I don't know, but he just scared the crap out of that old lady!" Carlos said, laughing.

"Whoaaaa...what is _that_," Kendall said, his voice full of wonder, as he created a veil of steam on the tinted glass.

James wiped the surface briskly with his sleeve to clear the condensation. He stared at the sight with wide eyes that reflected a kaleidoscope of moving light, making them glow amber. A dark-haired man wearing all black, held a moving ball of light that seemed to defy gravity as it hovered overhead.

All four boys leaned in to watch the shimmering orb glide through his agile fingers, rising and falling as the crowd followed it with their eyes. It spun effortlessly, then rose high in the sky, momentarily suspended, before returning to the tips of his long fingers.

"Awesome!" Carlos cheered. Several spectators tossed currency and coins into the glass jar at the street performer's feet.

"How is he even doing that?!" Kendall asked in a high voice, his vivid green eyes round with appreciation for the act.

"Yeahhhhhh," James murmured, once again misting the window and obscuring their view.

"James!" Carlos scolded.

"Sorry!" James retorted.

Carlos wiped at the glass fervently, but the vehicle had moved forward with the flow of traffic, and the man with the magical ball of light was no longer visible.

Kendall noticed Logan's reflection in the tinted glass, dark eyes stark against pale skin, almost expressionless. He turned to study him quizzically, as he watched how still he sat with his hands folded in his lap. He wore a look he'd never seen before.

"Are you okay, Logan? You're so quiet tonight," Kendall said, thinking that he would never forget that look. Maybe he was still tired from the flight…

"I'm fine, Ken-dizzle," he said with a slight smile. The blare of a horn made Kendall jump, and he rolled his eyes. "I'll never get used to the traffic in New York City," he said with a frown.

Several cars began to honk in response to the first lone horn, and the driver turned around to look at his passengers. "Almost there, guys."

The familiar anxiety edged its way back into their stomachs once more, and they all drew in deep breaths. "Let's do this, guys," James said encouragingly, extending a hand for the others to clasp.

They all leaned in, but Logan didn't quite make it to the linking of hands. He tensed and a small gasp escaped his lips. He closed his eyes briefly, opening them to find that the others were watching him with bated breath. They wondered if they would be performing, after all.

"Are you all right, bro?" Kendall asked.

"Yeah, I guess I shouldn't have eaten that Thai food so fast," he said, wiping his damp forehead with his scarf.

They weren't convinced that he was fine, but they figured he wouldn't like them babying him over a stomach ache. He never did. "We should have gone Japanese," he added with a small laugh.

Carlos grinned. "You did eat more than all three of us put together, this time," he teased. Logan whacked at his arm.

"You don't feel like you're going to get sick though, do you?" James asked, remembering how lousy it felt to feel like vomiting on stage.

"I think I'll be all right," he said convincingly.

They breathed a sigh of relief. The show could technically go on without Logan, but it wouldn't be right. They'd had to do it a couple of times without Kendall when he was ill, and it wasn't something they ever wanted to experience again.

This would be the first time they would perform an entire full-length concert during the holidays. They had only done guest performances and opening acts during the season, until now. A full-length concert, without being part of summer tour, would be a new experience for them.

Once the vehicle was parked and security was on location, the boys were quickly escorted behind stage. They went straight to wardrobe and donned the chosen outfits. The stylists and wardrobe crew made sure everyone was set, and the stage crew made sure everything was tested.

It was a whirlwind of people, voices, and movement, before they finally entered the arena where the collective screaming made the amphitheater reverberate. The guys gave Logan a final look-over before they took their designated places, waving to the audience as they went.

When it came time for James and Logan to do their first timed trade-mark back-flip, Logan hesitated for just a second, before executing the perfect roll along with his counterpart. No one would have noticed the delay other than James, but it was enough to worry his friend. He found himself glancing over at Logan a bit too often, his uneasiness growing when he saw him wince a time or two.

When the concert drew to a close of thunderous applause, all the boys were exhausted as always, but Logan seemed worse for the wear than the others. Whereas the three were running on pure adrenaline, Logan was running on pure determination to remain upright.

His entire body was trembling, and his abdomen had begun to ache consistently midway through the concert. Perspiration dripped from his slender body, and his teeth began to chatter together violently. He clamped them together firmly, and folded his body in half when an agonizing pain in his side gripped him.

"Logan!" Kendall shouted over the roar. He took hold of his arm to steady him and waved to the crowd, steering him to exit the platform. There would be no encore presentation tonight.

"Is he all right?" Carlos asked breathlessly, running to catch the boys backstage, security lagging behind him.

James quickly followed, and his heart sank when he saw Logan in a different lighting. He looked paler and more ill under the fluorescence of the overhead lamps. "We need to get someone!" James exclaimed.

"No guys, please don't do this," Logan pleaded. "I don't want to be stuck in some emergency room or something. I ju-ust want to get to the hotel."

They caught the break in his voice, and looked at one another. "It's all right, Logan," Kendall said softly. "Let's just see how you are."

They walked him to a sofa in dimmer lighting, and watched him tentatively lower himself to sit. Within moments they were surrounded by the usual people. Noticing that Logan was off his game, there were a lot of questions thrown out at once.

Logan began to panic and pushed the probing hands away. "I'm fine!" he snapped.

"I'm sorry kid, you've gotta' be checked out if you're ill," someone said.

Finally agreeing to speak to a medic, Logan allowed them to lead him to the ambulance. "I'm not going to the hospital," he informed everyone.

The medic nodded and checked his pulse. The guys stood just outside the ambulance, pacing with worry. After thoroughly checking his heart and listening to his lungs, the medic prompted him to roll up his sleeve for a blood pressure monitor. Logan sighed, and repeated that he wasn't going to the hospital.

The medic did not even nod this time, but checked his temperature instead. "I really just want a shower," Logan said irritably, but realizing the guy was going to do his job regardless, decided to be more cooperative. "My temp will be high, because I'm sweating," Logan reasoned.

The medic chose to speak for the first time. "I'm taking that into consideration. Now, where's the pain?"

Logan debated whether he should say. The man stared at him intently while Logan glowered a bit. "My abdomen," he conceded, when the man didn't waver.

"How long?" he asked. The other medics moved about the tight space, signing papers and checking the monitors.

Logan shrugged. "Off and on all day, I guess."

The man lifted his shirt and pressed around the pin-pointed area. "I think you should go and have it checked out more thoroughly than I can here. Let them run some tests."

"No!" Logan said with a squeak."I just want a shower and a bed!"

"You can get those there," the man said.

Logan shook his head adamantly. "No!" he snapped, just wanting to be left alone.

Kendall leaned in when he realized Logan was actually arguing with the medic. "What's up, Logan?" he asked.

"K-Kindle," Logan said pleadingly.

"Is it even your call, whether you go or not?" the man asked Logan.

"Yes!" Logan lied, but then looked down quickly.

"Where's your manager? It's really his call," the medic said apologetically.

"On his way," said James, peering inside. He and Carlos had been listening from the open doorway.

Logan seemed panic-stricken. He looked at Kendall and James. The big brown, puppy dog eyes that looked back at them were begging for them to back him up on this one. He pulled out the big guns, a slight pout.

"Will you let us take care of you?" Kendall asked. Logan nodded like a five year-old promising to play nice with the other kids.

"Will you let us call someone, if you feel worse?" James asked. Logan nodded again.

"I still think he should go," the medic repeated for the boys, one last time.

x-x

Logan managed to convince everyone responsible for his safety and well-being, including Gustavo, Kelly and every other member of the crew, that he just had a bad case of indigestion. Since the medic admitted that he had no definitive signs of a serious condition, Logan got his wish.

"Get some sleep and let the guys take care of you," Gustavo ordered, before heading off to his own room. Logan nodded, relieved that he had gotten his way.

Back in the hotel room, he could feel the stares of his band-mates upon him. "Need anything, Loges?" Carlos asked for the third time.

"No, Carlitos," he said with a grin. "Not unless you plan on bathing me. I'm just going to take a nice hot shower."

"You're on your own there, buddy," Carlos teased back.

They were all grateful that there had been no meet and greets scheduled with the holiday event. They didn't think that Logan could have pulled it off. When they heard the shower running, they congregated for some private conversation time. It was something they always did when the target of the topic was not within ear-shot. Usually, the secretive meetings were held because one of them had acted up or been in a argument with another, but this time it was out of complete concern for one of their brothers.

"Do you think he's worse than he's letting on?" Carlos asked immediately.

"I do," said James. "I saw how hard it was for him to make those jumps and flips. I had to hold back, so the timing wouldn't be off."

"I thought so," said Kendall, obviously concerned.

"He hates being the patient," James reminded them, stating what they already knew.

"He probably doesn't want to miss the weekend out with us, either," said Kendall. "He hates being left out." They all nodded sadly.

"I'm worried, guys," Carlos said in a small voice. "What if he gets worse, and we sleep through it?"

"Good point," James said. He looked to Kendall for answers.

"We could take shifts watching over him. He wouldn't know. One of us could start, then wake the other for their shift," Kendall suggested.

"That's a good idea!" Carlos said.

James agreed. "Okay, so who goes first?" he asked.

"I will," said Kendall. "I'll wake you up when it's your turn, James."

"Then, I'll wake you for yours, Carlos," James said.

The boys all shook on the decision, and scurried to find something to do to look busy. When the door to the bathroom cracked open, Logan walked out slowly, dressed in flannel bottoms and a tee. He was shivering with his wet hair, but he forced a smile. They all just stared.

"Miss me?" he asked.

James stood. "Logan, come here," he said, leading him back toward the bathroom.

"James? I'm really tired..."

"Shhhh."

He pulled out the rolling seat from under the counter, and pressed him to sit. He took the hair-dryer from the wall mount and turned it on low. He began to run his fingers through the soft dark hair, lifting it gently to blow warm air through.

Logan closed his eyes and leaned into the warmth of the heated air, and the comforting hand that worked its magic. He felt tears of self-pity welling behind his eye-lids, but he refused to allow them to flow. He wasn't about to admit how much he was hurting now. Not when he was surrounded by people who loved him at Christmas-time. In a hospital, everything would be unfamiliar, stark, and cold. Only strangers would be there to comfort him while he slept.

James felt him lean into his hand, and he used the other one to softly hold his shoulder from time to time. His heart wrenched over Logan's complacency. Something was definitely wrong.

All dried and feeling much warmer, Logan allowed James to guide him to his bed. With only two doubles available, James led him to Kendall's chosen bed, knowing he was the one taking the first shift. He climbed in, and pulled the thick duvet up to his chin.

James leaned over and planted a brotherly kiss on top of his head. "Night, Logie."

"'Night," Logan murmured, his eyes drooping half-closed.

The boys watched his eyelids flutter, and his dark lashes lower, until they cast shadows against his cheeks. They listened for his breathing to even out, amazed at how quickly it did. Kendall nodded to the other two, and set the clock for morning wake-up. James and Carlos each took their showers while Kendall watched over his ailing friend.

After all the boys had showered and changed, they turned off all lights except a nightlight. Kendall stayed alert and wrapped his arm around the smaller sleeping form. A half-hour later, Logan moaned softly in his sleep.

Kendall sat up abruptly, eying him in the semi-darkness. He felt his forehead, but it only felt clammy, not hot. He watched intently, but Logan was only breathing heavily now, and did not stir again. Kendall held him close, spooning him from behind, and planted a soft kiss on his shoulder.

Logan leaned into the warmth of the body that surrounded him. All that mattered to Kendall at that moment, was that Logan was safe and sound. When it came time for James to take his place, Kendall switched with reluctance, but he knew he had to get some sleep, or he would be of no use to him the next day.

"How is he?" whispered James.

"He woke up once, but he's okay," Kendall whispered back.

James climbed in behind Logan, and wrapped his arm around him. He rested his chin on top of his warm head, and breathed in the freshly washed scent of his hair, Thank god he was okay. The vigil wasn't hard for James. He wouldn't have been able to go back to sleep again, anyway.

Logan flung the covers off of his body about two hours into his shift, whimpering and speaking gibberish. James comforted him with his hands, stroking back his hair and leaning in to whisper soothing words.

"It's okay Logie-bear. Does your stomach hurt?" he asked.

Logan did not answer, but pushed himself back into his friend, wanting the soothing touch. James hummed _Nothing_ _Even Matters_ softly, and to his amazement Logan hummed along automatically without waking, the two voices blending as one.

James smiled from behind him in the dimly-lit room. Even in his sleep and while ill, Logan knew his part and his place. James couldn't help but squeeze him just a little tighter. He couldn't bear to think of Logan hurting...ever.

x-x

James woke Carlos carefully. He was a ticking time-bomb if you didn't proceed with caution. The last thing he wanted was for Carlos to respond with a war-whoop, or do a ninja roll from the high platform bed and wake Logan.

"Is it my turn?" Carlos asked sleepily.

"Yes," James whispered. He really needed more beauty sleep if they were going shopping in the morning.

Carlos slid into the spot where James had been, grateful for the warmth that he had left behind. "Don't fall back to sleep," James warned in a hushed whisper.

"I won't," Carlos promised.

He snuggled up against Logan's curled body easily, the size perfectly matching his. Logan opened his eyes briefly, and turned to see Carlos' profile in the small bit of light, but still exhausted, he placed a hand on his friend's arm and went back under. Relieved that Logan hadn't questioned the swap, he snuggled even closer, and lightly planted a kiss on his warm cheek.

There were no more surprises for the boys that night, and they woke when the alarm sounded. Carlos was already sitting propped up against his pillow with his I-phone. He had kept himself entertained by stalking the internet for comments written about them. He saw the questioning looks on the others faces when they woke.

"He's okay," he mouthed, instantly relieving their fear.

Kendall hurried to regain his spot, so Logan wouldn't know about the all-night vigil. Carlos thought about telling him that Logan had woke once, but changed his mind. Maybe he wouldn't even remember waking.

x-x

Logan never mentioned anything out of the ordinary about the night before, and they each showered and dressed as usual. "How are you doing, today?" Kendall asked, joining him at the mirror.

Logan shrugged. "Fine, I guess."

Kendall couldn't hide his relief. He gave him a big bear-hug from behind, rocking with him gently. That's great!," he said cheerfully.

"Wow, what did I do to deserve this?" Logan asked, giving him a crooked grin.

"You got better," Kendall said happily.

"Can we join you?" James asked. Carlos peeked his head around the corner, and smiled too.

"Sure!" Kendall said, dimpling up. He scooted over and let the other two slip next to Logan.

They each put an arm around his waist. "Do you know something, I don't know?" Logan asked with an amused frown.

x-x

**Well, that is the first part of the three. I have never done a fic like this, so it will be a new experience for me!**

**I hope everyone is having a good holiday season. I will be posting a replacement request for Ho Ho Ho very soon.**

**Crumpet**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This is Part 2 of the story. Thank you so much for the interest and the reviews. You are awesome!**

"It's going to snow, I think!" Carlos exclaimed, looking up at the sky and tripping into some shoppers. "Oh, I'm sorry!"

The boys looked up to study the bright gray and white sky. "Yep," said Kendall, "I believe it is!"

"Where are we headed first?" Logan asked.

"I say we find a few of the best stores, of course hit Macy's, get some shopping out of the way, then go eat," James listed off. He glanced at Logan, hoping he was up for it all.

"Sounds good," Logan said.

"I say we find that guy with the magical ball of light!" Carlos chimed in.

"Maybe we'll spot him along the way," Kendall said, just as a group of girls squealed and stood to the side covering their mouths and whispering.

"How ya' doing?" Logan said to the fans.

"Ahhhh! Can we have a hug?" the blonde one asked. Obviously, the hoodies, hats, scarves and sunglasses, did little to hide their identities.

James was hesitant, wanting to get something accomplished, and hoping that it wouldn't set a precedent for the day. Always obliging and professional though, he followed Logan over to the three girls. Kendall and Carlos were already there, and they took turns exchanging hugs.

"What are you guys doing out here?" the brunette asked excitedly. "Isn't that dangerous?"

"Shopping," James explained with a big smile. "Just like you guys." he pointed to the bags they carried.

"We have company, anyway," Kendall added, nodding toward the men following not too far behind. "After all, it is New York City," he said with a laugh.

"Ooh, can we take a picture?" the other brunette asked.

"Sure," Logan answered for everyone. He leaned into the girls, and James took the camera she held out and snapped a shot. Taking turns with the girls, they finally freed themselves, and headed on.

Logan stopped at a storefront and looked inside with awe. He was staring up at a snowboard. His was getting a bit banged up from use, and this one had a music note graphic on it.

"See something you like?" Kendall asked, putting his arm around him. Logan nodded and grinned.

"It's awesome," he said.

Kendall gave James and Carlos the eye, and they nodded. "Let's get Katie and our mom's out of the way, and then we can go eat," Kendall said.

They went from store to store, stopping to chat with the occasional fan, until they had most everyone off the shopping list. They entered a department store that no one even bothered to read the name of, and stood inside, grateful to be out of the chilly air. The four men following joined them.

"What's up, guys?" the one asked.

"Heading to eat soon?" the other wanted to know.

"We just need my mom's present, and I need to find something for Katie, then we can eat. I'm starving," James said.

"Yeah, notice something here?" Carlos said to James with a smirk.

"What?" James asked innocently.

"You're the only one who isn't finished buying. You're just too picky!" Carlos teased.

"Am not! I just didn't see anything...perfect enough," he admitted.

"Where to, James," Kendall asked. "it's your call."

James thought for a moment. "Hmmm..." Logan made a tiny gasping sound next to him, but when he turned to him, he found him looking up at the sky, expressionless. "It's already one-thirty, let's just go eat," he said.

They huddled closer together as the wind picked up, and seeking shelter from it, they stayed close to the storefronts. They found themselves instinctively protecting Logan from each gust, shielding him with their bodies and keeping him in the middle. His cheeks were wind-chapped pink, against his pale skin, and James made a mental note to feel his forehead first chance he got.

Logan was slowing down as they walked along, and he neared a snail's pace as they finally stood before the pizzeria. It took all the restraint the boys and the four security guards had, to not just pick him up and carry him in, but all of them new that Logan would be taking swings if they tried.

Instead, they stood patiently waiting for him to admit that he couldn't go on. To their surprise, he took a deep breath and smiled, dimples deep around his mouth.

"What are we waiting for?" he asked. They all grinned, his smile contagious, and followed him into the restaurant.

With the cold-weather gear removed they were gaining attention, but accustomed to it, the boys didn't become too distracted. They scanned the menus, Kendall glancing up to see Logan pale when a whiff of food came his way, making him instantly nauseous. He didn't mention that he had gotten sick when he showered that morning.

"Okay, Logie-bear?" Kendall asked softly. Logan swayed ever so slightly and bit his lower lip to stop the quiver, willing the sensation to pass. He nodded weakly.

Kendall wrapped both his feet around one of his beneath the table, never removing his eyes from him. Logan breathed through the wave of illness, comforted by the touch of his friend. "I'm all right now," he insisted.

Oh Logan, Kendall thought to himself, when will you give in and admit how bad you feel? The other two had chatted through the entire ordeal and had already chosen their toppings.

Logan forced in a few bites and hid the rest of his slice under his napkin. Of course, it did not go unnoticed by anyone.

James helped put Logan's coat on him, knowing full well that he normally would have protested, and he gave Kendall a look. Kendall nodded. Their worry was building and they knew that when the day was through, they would be forcing him to go to the hospital.

"We could um..." Carlos leaned over to stage-whisper in James' ear, "split up and get that board for Logie."

James rolled his eyes at how loud Carlos could whisper. Everyone heard, including several people surrounding them, as well as Logan himself, who bit his lower lip to suppress a smile, and looked off as if he had no idea what they were talking about.

Kendall tried to stifle a laugh, but it came out anyway, rumbling up from his belly and echoing throughout the store. Many of the shoppers turned to laugh along with the amused blond. "Yeah, let's do that." Kendall said with a smile.

"Wait," the security team said. "Who's going where?"

"Two and two," James said, pointing to Carlos and himself, then Kendall and Logan.

They talked among themselves, then nodded. "We two will stick with you, and they can hang with you guys."

Kendall and Logan headed out the door with two of the men, and stepped out into a darkening sky. They walked along the shops stopping to gaze at the elaborate animated scenes inside the windows. Kendall was watching with Logan as a train made its way through a tunnel and puffed out a cloud of steam. He was about to comment on the moving parts of the town, when he saw Logan grimace in the glass' reflection.

He put his arm around his waist and leaned in. "Are you okay, Logan?"

Logan paled, and he was fighting to keep the pain from his face, but Kendall knew him too well. "I-I'm all right."

Kendall sighed. "Logan, you can't still have indigestion from yesterday's lunch. You didn't eat last night and you barely-"

"Kendall," he said cutting him off. "I'm just queasy now, because I didn't eat last night, and the pizza was just too much."

"What's wrong!" asked the guard.

"He says nothing," Kendall said skeptically. Logan looked at him with the same pleading expression he had given him the night before.

"Need us to take you to a doctor?" the other guard asked, removing his phone from his pocket.

"No!" Logan practically shouted. He swayed ever so slightly and Kendall hugged him tighter.

"He doesn't want to be stuck somewhere," Kendall found himself explaining, immediately asking himself why he was defending Logan's decision to avoid going to a hospital. Logan smiled at him gratefully.

"Okaaay," the man said, slowly replacing his phone, "but, if you feel any worse, you gotta' go," he said firmly. Logan nodded sheepishly, feeling like a little kid being reprimanded for not wanting to see a doctor.

Kendall rubbed his shoulder affectionately. "Deal, Logie?" Kendall said, worry creeping into his tone.

Logan studied his shoes and nodded again, this time a blush tinting his pale cheeks. "Let's check out that music store over there!" Kendall said, pointing to the neon Musical note on the sign above.

They went in, and rummaged through the rows and rows of CDs , commenting on the various artists. Kendall picked up their own CD, and a big goofy grin spread across his face as he held it up for Logan to see.

Logan returned the goofy grin, and noticing that a number of people were noticing who the two boys were, motioned to Kendall that it might be time to move on. Suddenly Kendall got an idea. He would buy Logan some CD's. He went to the two men who waited patiently by the exit.

"Hey, can you guys distract him for a bit while I get Logan some CDs for Christmas?"

"No problem," the guard said.

Kendall went off, purposely losing himself in a crowd of shoppers. Unfortunately, Logan panicked when he lost track of him and slipped away to find him. "Hey, where did he go?" the guard asked.

The other man shrugged. "Can't be too far. You go this way, I'll go that way."

It wasn't until the men were battling shoulder to shoulder with some determined patrons, that it dawned on them that one of them should have remained at the exit.

Logan could not find Kendall or the guards, so he went outside to see if they had left, looking for him. He looked around out front and not wanting to miss one another, he sat on a bench just outside. He thought about how ironic it was that he was in a big city like New York City, yet he was all alone on a bench.

He felt a new sense of freedom for a moment, just one of a million other people. He had no fans, no place to be...no fame. He was just another face in the crowd. He tugged his hood and hat lower, and his scarf higher, as the wind sliced through him, making him tense.

It hurt his stomach when he went rigid, and he hissed behind his scarf. The joy and freedom he had just acknowledged, quickly turned into sadness. He didn't want to be sick. He didn't want the guys fawning all over him and babying him. He didn't want to spend his time with strangers at a hospital, he just wanted to spend it with the best friends in the world. Above all, he didn't want to ruin the holidays for the others.

The first snowflakes began to fall, swirling about erratically, and Logan couldn't resist looking up to watch them descend until he felt dizzy. He loved the snow. He studied some large flakes that were nearing from the darkening sky, and followed them as they gently cascaded on the breeze to land gently at his feet.

His eyes widened when he saw that they were white feathers and not snowflakes at all. He leaned over and toed one with his boot. It was definitely a feather. He reached down and lifted one. He twirled the beautiful fluffy feather between his gloved fingers, curiously.

"Get separated, kiddo?" a man with a New York accent asked.

Logan looked up, the only part of him exposed to the stranger was his dark brown eyes. He nodded warily, still clutching the feather.

The man sat down beside him on the bench and smiled warmly. "That's easy to do at this time of year, with all the hustle and the bustle," he said. Logan nodded again, peering into the store to see if Kendall was there.

"He won't be out for a while, Logan," the man said gently.

Logan turned stunned eyes to the stranger in the trench coat and fedora, and studied him quizzically. "How-how do you know who I am?" he asked.

"A lot of people know who you are, Logan," the man said with a friendly grin.

Logan's pulse quickened. He know his name. Was the man about to hurt him, or kidnap him? He looked around for the two guards. Was the man armed?

"Don't be frightened, kiddo. I think you know why I'm here. It's a tough break for you, kid, but we can't decide these things you know. It's all part of the bigger plan."

Logan turned to face the man now. "I'm sorry sir, but I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I'm Neil," he said, extending a hand and wrapping Logan's much smaller one in it, "but I think you knew me all along. It will be easier on you kid if you just accept it, trust me. You should have gone yesterday as you know, but you're a stubborn one, aren't you?"

Logan looked down and swallowed. "I-I know, but I'll never give up. I don't want to," he whispered. "I love my life."

The man reached over and tugged down the scarf from his handsome face, and smiled. Miraculously, he was no longer cold and didn't need the scarf.

"I know, kid," the man said kindly. He placed his hand on top of Logan's. "You've got a good life. You have millions of people who adore you. You have a wonderful family," he said with a twinkle in his eye. "They've raised a beautiful person, and they must be very proud."

Logan nodded again, this time the tears falling from his eyes, and leaving silvery tracks in their place. The man wiped them away gently with his thumb, instantly warming the skin he touched. "And, get a load of those friends," he said softly, adding a low appreciative whistle. "They love you like a brother."

Logan choked back a sob that hung in his throat. "Don't cry, kid," the man said wrapping a warm strong arm around his slender shoulders. "No one here wants you to suffer."

"But-but I'm not rea-dy," Logan croaked, his voice breaking. "I-I haven't even said goodbye."

"It doesn't get any easier kid, trust me. I wanted to stay with my wife and kids forever, too. I held on and on, until I angered the heavens, but I knew that the pain was only intensifying for me as well as them. Everyone here wants you to go as painlessly as possible."

"Please" Logan said. "D-don't take me, y- yet." He looked desperately into the kind blue eyes.

"I'll give you some more time, kiddo. Spend it with the boys, but it won't be easy you know. I've warned you," he said, giving him a gentle squeeze that warmed his body all the way through.

Logan nodded. "Thanks."

"I'll be around, kid."

"Wait! What about my f-family?" Logan asked, tears reforming in his eyes.

"You'll be with them soon enough, but it's best you don't say goodbye to them this way. It's the hardest thing on earth for a parent or sibling."

"Okay," Logan said trustingly. "My f-fans," he said, hanging his head.

"They'll always love you, and they'll understand. You're gonna' feel some pain for this delay, kiddo," he said.

"W-what?" Logan asked, already praying for a miracle.

"For taking the extra time, you will have to endure more pain than you would have...if you'd agreed to go sooner."

"Okay," Logan said decisively, "I can handle it." Neil nodded.

It would be worth the pain to have more time with his brothers, and let them know how much he appreciated their love and friendship. The man disappeared into the crowd, and Logan stood slowly, holding his aching side. He turned his gaze back toward the music store. Had he not noticed the people inside standing so still, before? Or, had he merely imagined that they were?

Kendall burst through the shop's exit, and breathed a sigh of relief when he found him. "Logan! Come here!" he called cheerfully.

Logan went to him eagerly, clutching on to him as if he hadn't seen him in years. Kendall frowned, but reciprocated the warm hug happily. He pulled him back inside the shop and took him to the posters. He smiled devilishly and held up a beefcake pose of Logan, giggling mischievously.

Logan laughed and slapped at his hand. "Put that down, Kindle!" he scolded. Kendall only held it up higher, and Logan swiped at nothing but air. That was when Kendall saw Logan wince again, and clutch at his abdomen.

"Logan!" Kendall shouted reflexively, frightened by seeing his friend in so much pain.

"I knew it!" a woman shrieked. "You're the boys from Big Time Rush!"

Kendall saw that she was an employee, and he hushed her on his way to Logan, who was now swooning and clutching the edge of the bin for support. He grabbed his bicep and escorted him out the door, wrapping his arms around him in the cold wind. The sky was a deep dark indigo now, and snow was coming down steadily.

Logan shook against him, and Kendall's eyes began to tear up. "Logan, please go and find out what's wrong," he choked out.

Logan leaned into him, the cold chilling him to the bone. Kendall would never forgive himself if he didn't make him go. He would have to live with the blame and the guilt. He knew Kendall would have been right if it would make a difference, but it wouldn't. He always hated to give in, but he looked up into Kendall's glistening eyes, and nodded. His own eyes threatened to spill over, as the pain spread throughout his entire mid-section, but he didn't want Kendall to see him suffer. He sucked in a breath, and cursed himself when a whimper came back out.

The two men immediately descended upon the two boys. "Does he need me to call, now?" he asked breathlessly.

"Yes!" Kendall said, fully supporting Logan's weight now.

He could feel the smaller body sliding down the front of his, and he tugged him up under the arms. That is when Kendall saw the agony in Logan's eyes. He tried to lay him down gently, hoping to ease his pain and planning to cover him with his long wool coat.

"Kindle, just hold me," Logan panted. "P-Please."

Kendall held him to his chest, and started to cry. "Logan, what's wrong with you?" he asked with fear in his voice.

The two men with Carlos and James came into view, and Kendall saw that they had the boys with them. They raced to where Kendall held Logan.

"What's wrong!" James cried, rushing to their side, just before Carlos came bounding up, breathless from toting a very large package shaped like a snowboard. One of the guards took it from the small boy, and let him comfort his friend.

"Logan!" Carlos cried, rubbing his back. "Are you hurting badly?'

Logan's eyes were glazing over, but he was still lucid. "I -love you guys," Logan said. "P-Please don't ever forget that." He licked his dry lips and moaned softly.

The pain was intensifying, just as the stranger had warned. "Logan! What are you talking about? You're going to be okay! You hear me!" James cried.

They laid him down gently on top of James' long wool coat, cradling his head on Carlo's puffy one for a pillow. "No, you'll freeze," Logan scolded.

"Shhh…," Carlos said, rubbing his arm.

A small crowd had gathered around them, and the wail of sirens could be heard in the distance. The sound of running footsteps was nearing.

"You're the best friends a guy could ask for," Logan said. His voice was laced with pain, and his cocoa brown eyes were dripping down his pale cheeks.

"Logan, stay with us!" Kendall sobbed. "Don't talk like that! The ambulance is on its way!"

Logan reached out a trembling hand from where he lay, and took Kendall's. He interlaced his fingers with his and smiled. "It won't matter," he said. "I have to go. We can't decide these things you know. It's part of a bigger plan. I love you," he repeated.

Kendall threw his face down on Logan's chest and sobbed. "I love you too, Logie! Please don't leave me!"

He could feel the tension in the little body beneath him, and knew he was struggling just to breathe. Logan whimpered again, and he remembered holding him when he whimpered the night before, safe and warm against his body. He remembered thinking that he'd hold and watch over him forever if he could keep the pain away, and his heart was breaking.

With Kendall's coat over him, and the scarf and hood removed, James stroked the silky dark hair, brushing the snow from it to keep it dry. He thought of the night before when he'd been chilled with wet hair and he dried it for him. Logan leaned into the hand as he had done the night before too, and James' heart was breaking.

Carlos thought of Logan never using his snowboard they'd bought him, and never seeing his friend's dimples again, or hearing his sweet voice in person. He lay beside him, and curled up against him while they waited for help. It fit just right, and he thought of the night before, as he reached over and placed a hand over Logan's beating heart. He remembered feeling it beat against him the night before, his body perfectly fitting into his side, and he felt his own heart breaking.

The men on foot reached the scene first, and set up a triage tent to shield the boy from the cold wind. They knew that the ambulance would still have to make its way through the congested holiday traffic.

"Please back away!" one of the men shouted to the growing crowd. The mob dispersed, still watching curiously from afar.

Neil stood there too, watching the love pass between the boys. Tears ran down his own face. No matter how many times he assisted a good person in their transition, it never got any easier to see those left mourn the loss of a loved one. This kid was so young and had so much more life to live. He questioned the decision, looking up to the sky, expecting a rebuke for his doubt.

A few police officers began to enforce crowd control, and the wail of the siren was growing louder as it neared. The boys stood and stepped away to let the men do their job, but it only took a moment for the medic to realize the seriousness of the boy's condition.

"It's okay, you boys can stay with him," one of the medics said kindly.

They returned to take their places with Logan, and hold his hand to comfort him while the medics worked. Logan sobbed and choked on the pain that was slowly spreading throughout his entire body.

"Logan, pleeeeease," Kendall begged, "Please don't die." Logan looked deep into Kendall's dripping eyes, then all around him. Kendall wiped the fallen snow from Logan's dark eyelashes gently with his thumb.

The pain was unbearable now, but Logan's dazed eyes traveled to a glowing ball of light. The man with the nimble fingers, spun the glowing orb effortlessly on the tips of his fingers, keeping the boy's attention away from the pain. No one could see his performance but Logan of course, and they wondered why his eyes roamed up and down and back and forth. He could feel Kendall's warm breath on his cheek.

"I know, Neil," Logan said to someone there, and Kendall had barely caught it. Logan had seen the kind stranger standing there, waiting sadly, but with an encouraging smile.

Logan smiled sweetly one more time, then closed his big brown eyes for the last time, the crooked smile still on his placid face. Kendall spun around to see who he was speaking to, but saw no one standing there. Who was Neil?

"I'm sorry, boys," the medic said with tears in his own eyes. The pulse was so faint now, that the man knew from experience that the boy wouldn't make it.

"_NOOOOOOO!"_ Kendall screamed, fighting the hands that pulled him back. He even swung at the guards who tried to console him, then fell to his knees and sobbed. "Why!" he screamed.

Carlos already lay in a heap beside the small still firm, sobbing uncontrollably. James was there beside Logan, shaking violently and heaving on his knees, tears streaming down his pained face.

The ambulance lunged to a stop at the taped off area along the curb, honking at the crowds, then silencing its siren. The red lights still spun, reflecting off the swirling white snowflakes and off the pale skin of Logan's angelic and peaceful face. He was feeling no pain now, but his three brothers were feeling unimaginable pain, so deep that death would be a sweet relief.

**I am so sorry for that sadness and I know you think I'm a horrible person. There is a part three, and I hope you will join me for that one. I promise to post it as soon as possible.**

**xoxo**

**Crumpet**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This is the final part. I hope you are still with me, since this is the climax of the story. Guess I can't blame those who aren't... **

**Thanks for the reviews!**

Logan could see Neal even with his eyes were closed. He was smiling down at him and he had his hand in his. "Don't be frightened, Logan."

"Okay," he said, smiling back.

"Oh my god!" Kendall cried. "He's smiling!" He had always teased Logan about smiling while he slept. The boys all sobbed at the sight.

"Is there anything you want to ask me?" Neil asked.

Logan thought for a moment. "Will I have to see the people who l-love me, grieve?"

"'Fraid so kiddo. As soon as I leave, you will. It's all part of the transition. Those who never open their hearts to love, realize that they've made no mark on this world, whatsoever."

"B-But I can't bear to see...that." Logan broke down into sobs. Neil squeezed his hand.

"You're a loving person, Logan Mitchell, and that's why I'm here for you. I won't leave you once it's time. This life will end, but the next one is just beginning."

Logan swallowed another sob, and calmed himself. A thought had occurred to him. "May I ask you a favor before you go?"

"More time here, kid? I'm afraid not," he said sadly, brushing a stray dark lock of hair from Logan's eye.

"No, not for me. There's a little girl...a fan. She-She's dying, and she wanted to meet me. That was her last wish...but...can you find a way to spare her? She's only nine, and she hasn't lived her life. I know she didn't have the dream-life like I was blessed with, and.." He stopped when he saw the sadness in Neil's eyes.

Neal's heart ached for the young selfless boy. As he said before, his job never got any easier. "You mean, Jill," he said softly.

"Yes...how did you know?" Logan asked.

"Because, I'll be meeting with her while you're in transition." He sighed. By the way, I'm sorry to say that you will experience pain again, because well you know, modern science and all. They will do everything they can to revive you in hopes of saving you, kid. That is the price you will have to pay for stalling," he said with a wink.

"Wait-what? You're going to see her next? Jill? That means...," Logan trailed off, as he ignored the promise of pain, and focused on the girl.

Neal nodded. "It's her time too Logan, so she just may get her wish to meet you, after all."

"Nooo, not like this," Logan pleaded.

"Rest, son. You're going to need it for what's coming next, remember? The pain. Once it's over, you'll never feel pain again, I promise."

x-x

Neal stood at Jill's bedside in the dimly-lit room. He took her tiny hand in his, and she opened her eyes. He quickly brushed the tear from his own cheek so that she wouldn't see it. He was going to have to talk to the big kahuna about all the pain involved in fulfilling his job.

"Hi, Neal," she whispered.

"Hi, Jill. How ya' doin', kiddo?"

She giggled. "Better, now that you're here."

He smiled, and his eyes traveled about the hospital room, which had been her home for several weeks now. A plethora of balloons, stuffed animals, cards, and posters adorned the pale yellow walls. The little girl might not be famous, but she was loved by many.

The posters that stood out most to him, were the many posters of Big Time Rush. Logan's smiling face was nearest to her head, and she turned to smile at the photo when she saw that his gaze landed there.

"That's Logan from Big Time Rush," she said shyly. "I love him."

Neal grinned, and sat on the edge of her bed. "Tell me all about him," he said, giving her time to adjust to the next leg of her journey.

"Well, he's gorgeous as you can see, and if I could have one wish before I die, it would be to meet him," she said wistfully. "I've sent him lots of letters and stuff." She blushed beneath her pallor. "But, I'm not planning on dying anytime soon. Everyone says that I'm too stubborn. They're right, I'll never give up."

"I see," he said, the familiar words echoing in his head. The boy had used the same ones."Well, it just so happens, that I've just come from a visit with Logan, and he wants to meet you too."

Her green eyes lit up, and an energy radiated from her frail body, but then she fell listless. "Wait, but, that means... Noooo," she said, tears welling up in her eyes. "Please don't take him too. I've changed my mind. I promise that I'll stop fighting and go with you, if you'll let him live. I don't want to go knowing that Logan is no longer here. I love all the guys, and I want to know that they're still together," she whispered weakly.

Neal could not stop the next tear from sliding down his cheek. "Oh, kiddo," he said.

"Don't cry, Neal," she said, squeezing his hand.

I'm supposed to be comforting her, not the other way around, he thought, scolding himself for failing her in her time of need.

"I'll be back soon, Jill," Neal said, rising from her bed "There's something I have to go take care of, kiddo."

She nodded and grinned. "Okay, Neil," she said with a wink.

x-x

Logan sucked in a huge gulp of air, his eyes fluttering open as the pain coursed through his body. The team of paramedics had him inside the ambulance now, and they had brought him back to life, just as Neal had promised they would. He could still hear the screams and sobs of his brothers from somewhere nearby. It hurt so badly...

Then there was nothing but darkness... and Logan succumbed to it.

The next time he opened his eyes there was a bright light. He expected to see a place he'd never seen before, but instead, the place he saw was oddly familiar. It was a stark white, and it had an antiseptic smell to it. Then there was that annoying beeping sound...

"He's coming to," a voice said. He tried to focus on the swirling colors above him. "Logan, can you hear me?" the woman's voice asked.

He heard himself moan. There was an intense fire burning in his belly. "I'll give you more medication for the pain, angel. Just look at me for a moment."

He tried again to focus on the swirling colors. Slowly, a woman's face appeared from them. She was blonde and her blue eyes were kind. "Hi, sweetie. . Don't be frightened. You're in the hospital and you're a real fighter, you know that?"

He whimpered as another wave of fiery pain enveloped his abdomen. Now, an older silver-haired man was looking down at him too. "We're proud of you, young man. You fought hard, and you're going to be okay," he said.

Logan's legs began to tremble violently, and he began to sob as the pain became unbearable. They let the morphine flow into his IV, guiding him back into the peaceful darkness.

x-x

Three boys sat only feet away from the room where the team had brought Logan back to life for the second time_._ Their eyes were red and puffy, and they clung to one another. The only reason they were still able to stay conscious, was because a doctor had said that Logan was not deemed 'clinically' dead yet.

Since learning that, they sat praying for a miracle. Every time someone came through the doors, they tried to mentally prepare themselves for those dreaded words; _I'm sorry, There was nothing more we could do._ It would be like losing him a third time. Everything seemed surreal as they waited in silence.

So many people who Logan loved, still weren't there to say goodbye to him. The boys had been too devastated to phone right away, so the security guards had taken care of notifying everyone for softly falling snow had given way to blizzard-like conditions, and prevented easy travel to the hospital. The families were still desperately seeking flights into New York City.

Logan had been in emergency surgery for over two hours with no word at all. They became more despondent with each passing minute.

Finally, a man wearing surgical scrubs came through those terrifying double doors. They slowly shifted in their seats, and weakly tried to control their shuddering limbs. They leaned into one another, and attempted to gauge the pending news by the expression still half-hidden beneath the mask. The surgeon pulled it down to expose a slight smile, clearly visible upon his lips. The entire room gasped and waited.

"Who is legally responsible for Logan Mitchell, tonight?" he asked.

"We're here for a performance, so these guys," Kendall said, pointing to the men who had watched over them. "Everyone else is still on their way."

"Good enough, I know who you all are. Logan Mitchell is out of surgery, and I must say I've never seen anything like this. He's lost a lot of blood, but he's alive and doing remarkably well."

There were cheers, squeals, and sobs of joy. The doctor couldn't help but partake in the joy when he was hugged by a dozen people, and even lifted off the floor and spun by a few. He held up a hand to regain some control of the room, and they hushed.

"He's not entirely out of the woods yet, and of course he will stay here for some time. At least until we are certain he won't begin bleeding again..." They all nodded. "But, I truly believe that Mr. Mitchell will make a full recovery. We were even able to perform umbilical surgery, so that he won't have a large incision to recuperate from. It doesn't mean pain-free, however. We did a lot of digging around in there, and he's going to feel every bit of it, even with the morphine drip."

"Logie's strong!" Kendall cried, tears of happiness dripping down his face. "He can handle it!"

"I hear that," the young Hindu surgeon said with a twinkle in his eye. "You can see him as soon as we have him stabilized, and over the worst of the pain."

"W-What was wrong with him, anyway?" Carlos asked curiously, hugging James.

"In medical mumbo-jumbo, a strangulated abdominal hernia that caused an intestinal blockage when it protruded through the abdominal wall. In most cases, the muscle would not have protruded inwardly, and there would have been a visible bulge on the outside of the abdomen. It would have been clear that there was something wrong. Being quite the painful condition, I must say, I'm amazed that he was able to carry on as he did.

So, with the blockage untreated, he began to hemorrhage internally, and quite frankly, we're still reeling from the medical miracle that has taken place here. Technically, he should have bled to death."

"Why would that happen?" Kendall asked, horrified to imagine him dancing and doing back-flips while that was going on inside of him.

"Apparently, he injured himself at some point. He must have twisted in some way that caused the muscle to tear and he just toughed it out until it bled."

"Sounds like our Logan," Kendall said,

"Do you have any other questions for me?'" he asked with a smile, and obviously in high spirits.

"Yes!" Carlos said, raising his hand as if in class, and out of habit. "Does he even realize he's here, where he refused to be?"

James couldn't help but laugh at that, now that he knew Logan was going to pull through. "Carlos!" he scolded.

"Yes, I believe he does. We intentionally allowed him to come to, just long enough to see if he was able to have basic motor function, and he did well. He acknowledged that he was indeed in a medical facility. Once he couldn't bear the pain any longer, we let him slip back under. He's till receiving blood transfusions however, and he is under the watchful eye of one of our finest surgeons."

"Thanks, Doc," Kendall said with tears in his eyes.

"It's my job," Doctor Gupta said with a smile. "It's just such a nicer job, when it turns out this way."

He turned to walk away, but stopped and turned back around. "Oh," he said reaching into the front pocket of his white jacket. "He was holding this when they brought him in. I don't know if it's something special."

He handed a perplexed Kendall a white feather, and shrugged. Kendall stared at the white feather in his hand curiously, twirling it around in his fingers. Logan had held it, it was already special to him.

x-x

Jill sat propped up in her bed, her bags packed by her bedside. "We're going to miss you here, Jilly-bean," the curly-haired nurse said with a warm smile.

"I'm going to miss all you, too," she said with a smile, displaying the large gaps in her teeth where she had lost a couple of baby ones recently. "I won't miss being stuck in here, though."

"I hear you're going to meet your crush one day soon," the nurse said, stacking the photos of the boy-band neatly into a pile for her to take home with her.

"Yep!" In three months, fifteen days and...forty-five seconds, give or take," she giggled.

The nurse began to lightly brush the budding hair that had begun to sprout on the once bare head, when Jill's mother and sister entered the room smiling.

Her sister ran to her and threw her arms around her waist. "Jessie!" she greeted, giving her a kiss on the top of her head. "You're finally coming home!"

"Yep! For good this time, Jessie!"

"We're really heading home?" her mother asked the nurse one more time, to be certain that her hopeful, yet exhausted mind wasn't playing tricks on her.

"That's right," the nurse said. "Doctor Bane said that she no longer has any signs of the illness, and believes she will make a full recovery. A medical miracle, our Jilly-bean is. She will need follow-up care and appointments of course, but then that will just be our excuse to see her," she said with a wink.

The wink reminded Jill of something, or someone... She shrugged. She was going home to be reunited with her family, and that was all she wanted to think about at that very moment.

x-x

This time when Logan opened his eyes, there was a room-full of people looking back at him. It seemed like practically everyone he loved was there, including Neal. Only this time, Logan didn't know he was there.

He winced as he struggled to sit up and see everyone. A nurse slowly lifted the head of his bed a bit, and readjusted his pillows. He hurt but his heart was full of joy.

"Hi, everyone," he said with a crooked grin.

The collective greetings poured out in an explosion of sound, making him giggle. He winced but he couldn't stop. It felt so good to hurt so bad. In his opinion, it just meant that he was alive.

Kendall threw his chest across Logan's tender body and laid face-down, perfectly still and just enjoying the feel of life beneath him. Logan stroked his messy blond hair affectionately. "You've been asleep, like forever!" Kendall whined.

He pulled away only to be replaced by Carlos, who didn't realize his own strength, and made Logan whimper when he embraced him with the usual finesse.

"Sorry," he apologized sheepishly, and kissing him on top of the head. It hurt, but Logan still grinned.

James took Logan's hand gently, not wanting to hurt him, and kissed the palm. "I love you, Logie-bear," he said quietly.

"I love you guys, too," Logan said emotionally, clearly blushing over the affection he was receiving.

By the time everyone had made their rounds, Logan was utterly exhausted. "He needs to rest now," the nurse said, dimming his lights.

They stood to leave. "We'll just be right outside the door, Logie," James whispered.

"Okay," Logan said, fighting to stay awake a bit longer.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot," Kendall said. He pulled the white feather from his pocket, and handed it to a very sleepy Logan. "Recognize this, Loges?"

Logan frowned, thinking it seemed oddly familiar...he just didn't know why. He reached for it and held it to his heart.

"You were holding it when they brought you in," James said.

"I want to keep it," Logan said softly, smiling as his eyes half-closed.

Kendall leaned over one more time to place a soft brotherly kiss to Logan's forehead. "Okay bro, sleep well."

Logan's eyes drooped lower and lower until they finally closed, and his eyelashes cast shadows across his cheekbones. He fell into a deep peaceful slumber, leading him straight into a dream-world full of fluffy clouds and blue skies. A glowing sphere of amber light danced playfully in that clear blue sky... He smiled at it even though he was sound asleep. He really did have a good life.

Kendall peeked into the dimly-lit room one more time, just to be sure he really had Logan back, and saw him smiling in his sleep. He smiled too. They really did have a good life.

**So...s****till hate me? =^.^=**

**Happy Holidays!**

**Crumpet**


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